In 1995 DIY (Do It Yourself) was all the rage, the t.v. show Home Improvement was a big hit and Match.com launched it's first website, changing the world of dating forever.
Today more people are going online to find true love than ever and the stigma of online dating is gone. While there are more dating websites with more bells, whistles and features, not much has really changed.
While 1 in 5 relationships starts online (actually 18%) 4 in 5 don't. So as you can imagine, I've worked with many people who are in the 82% that have tried online dating and it hasn't worked for them. Over the last 15 years literally thousands of people have sat in my office telling me their online dating frustrations in great detail. I've heard some of the most entertaining and truly bizarre stories!!!
I'm going to outline some of the most talked about problems below - so you know IT'S NOT JUST YOU...and then talk about 1 quick and easy solution to every single one of them.
Do this process sound familiar...maybe you've experienced some or all of these...
Write Your Profile
Agonize over how to describe yourself in 200 words for HOURS or even DAYS, decide a little wine might help. Realize this wasn't such a good idea the next day when you read what you wrote. You decide to ask your friends, mom or co-worker to help. Or you give up and write something...anything just to get it done like "I have a hard time selling myself" or "I'll work on this later, still just checking this out"'.
Upload Your Pictures
Crop your ex out of the one great photo you have of yourself or spend hours trying to take a great picture of yourself (this was A LOT harder in 1995!). Maybe you include pictures of your self doing something like swimming with the dolphins to show your adventurous side or post pictures of you with you a child that's not yours like your nieces or nephews to show you're a caring person. You love dogs...you can't leave your doggie out, so you include photos of your pets too.
At first you feel like...wow...there are soooo many options! So you make your search criteria very specific to match your list of must haves that describes your perfect match...since there are so many options, you might as well ask for EXACTLY what you want and accept nothing less, right?
Look At The Photos First (men)
You pass by everyone who doesn't spark an instant attraction (guys)...it's not too long before your first disappointment...some of these very attractive profiles are fake or scammers. Some of those very beautiful women never even respond!
Read Every Word Of Profiles (women)
Stay up until 2am reading every profile in your search results meticulously. Eliminate people who've made typos and grammatical errors.
Spend a lot of time writing a personal response to everyone - even explaining or apoligizing to the people you're not interested in.
Winks and Favorites
You get excited about being winked at or favorited
Wait Anxiously for Responses
Second disappointment...only a few people actually respond AND you're getting way more emails from people you'd never be interested in! Didn't they read your criteria...no...no they did not!
Spend a lot of time having long and detailed conversations online, on the phone or through text messaging.
Pen Pals and Long Distance Messaging
Message and talk on the phone a few times a day with someone for Weeks or even MONTHS! You think you've found THE ONE...only to finally meet in person and have ZERO chemistry. :(
89% of the people you spent HOURS, days and even WEEKS messaging stop responding
With no explaination of why you've been ghosted you take it personally and feel rejected...but have no idea what you said or did.
Wonder what's wrong with you that more of the people you really want to meet aren't reponding
Re-write Your Profile
Maybe it's your profile? You write the next great american novel
Post More Pictures
Maybe it's your pictures? You include some action shots of you skiing, skydiving or swimming with the dolphins.
Decide it's a numbers game and create one email you can cut, paste and send to everyone
Schedule expensive and long dinners
Suffer through a long and expensive dinner with someone who doesn't look like their pictures, lied about their age or turns out to be "recently separated" (translation: recently separated means STILL married).
You thought the date went great, they never return your calls or texts again
You immediately update your profile to express that you don't have time for liars, married people or those who aren't serious
Your date stops responding or cancels at the last minute...or you cancel because a) you're just not up for being disappointed again OR b) you haven't actually been on ANY dates...it's sounds good at the time, but you never follow through!
Month Three - Weeks 1, 2 & 3
Cut To The Chase
You realize messaging is wasting a lot of time for minimal results and you need to be more efficient with your time
You immediately ask for a date or just send your number with the message like..."This online messaging isn't my thing. Here's my number. Text me"
You have "phone dates" and ask a lot of personal questions to avoid actually going on a date and wasting time with someone who might disappoint you!
Make More Rules
You update your profile with a statement like "I do not respond to winks or favorites, only emails"
Month Three - Week 4
after 90 days you cancel your subscription and decide online dating is the problem
One Last Profile Update
you put this sentence right at the top of your profile **I've cancelled my membership and this is your last chance to contact me before it expires and I leave online dating forever**
Last Ditch Emails
you send a fire sale messages that you've canceled and your membership because online dating has been disappointing and there are only a few days left to respond before your membership expires and it's too late
Month 6 - 12
6 months to 1 year later you're still single. You see a match.com or eHarmony commercial or one of your friends meets someone great online. You decide maybe you were in a bad place or didn't do it right the first time so you join again. Your excited at first but ultimately go through the above process all over again!
SO NOW WHAT??
So here you are...still looking for The One and you've given up on repeating the above yet again. Now what?
It's not 1995 anymore. In fact, the DIY craze left a lot of people with the realization that doing it yourself isn't really as easy as it looks...after wasting time, money and possibly creating an even bigger mess they gave up on their DIY projects and hired a specialist who could get the job done quickly, affordably and RIGHT!
The "tiny house" is today's fantasy DIY project. How many people do you know that talk about how great it would be to have a tiny house vs how many of those people actually have one.
You're a smart person who doesn't waste time and money in any other area of your life. So let me ask you this...what would you do if you had a plumbing problem? You probably wouldn't try to fix it yourself...you'd call a plumber. What would you do if you needed a hair cut? You probably wouldn't cut your hair yourself, you'd go to a barber or salon. What do you do when you can't find The One? Work with a Matchmaker.
I know WHY every single one of the above things are happening and WHAT you can do to fix it in 15 minutes or less!
You could spend months or even years trying to figure it out or worse...
a) settling for the wrong person because you're just sick and tired of this DIY project that is your love life!
b) giving up on love and actually ...LIVING ALONE IN A TINY HOUSE...(with 10 cats)!
So what's the solution? I promised you it was going to be one easy thing...
Schedule a FREE 15 minute phone consultation and we'll have you dating like it's 2018!
Kristina Lynn is a Matchmaker and Coach who has managed 42 international matchmaking offices and the love lives of more than 60,000 clients. She is one of the original Beverly Hills Matchmakers and now lives in the San Francisco Bay Area.